After almost 14 years, I met the "once cute" and young Chinese boy again. After almost 14 years, I was with him again scaling Lataban Hills.
March, 2018: A Decade and Four Years
I opted not to say any personal thing except the trivial stuff during the first hour of our climb. His confirmation from my invitation earlier was enough for me to show a smile. In my heart, the young girl in me wanted to hug him but then I am a woman of 30's. I am no longer that girl who held his hands one evening while celebrating the town fiesta.
Whilst hiking the Lataban trail early morning, I cleared my mind of whatever negative aura between us. The gloomy weather was a contradiction of my feeling. I was elated. I was happy to see him again even it took us more than a decade to meet.
Off Guard. On Picture.
I was happy showing off my playground to him. I wanted to tell him how my life was changed throughout because of the mountain. That every time I thought of my hardship, I thought of my struggles to reach the peak. The mountain is my very source of happiness.
He was still silent. He seldom talked. My feelings towards him were stirred in a shift because of our memories together. What was the reason why I fell in love with him back then?
He was reserved. He was silent and observant. He was both gentle and kind however, direct. I remembered the chocolates and sweet words. The memories we both shared flooded in me.
My heart was bleeding of the memories. My first love was in front of me at the moment yet very distant. He belongs to someone else. His heart was a pair of someone else's heart.
I stood beside him with my utmost civil manner. Deep inside, I was still amazed how the hand of fate played with me for thousand times. It is testing my well-being and my emotional prowess.
Instantly without warning, he grabbed my shoulder and laid his hand on it. As if lightning struck me in an instant sending joules of electricity strong enough to shock my heart. It was throbbing like crazy but I stood my ground and reminded myself for eons of times that everything was just a passing cloud - fascinating yet dispensing.
"Can I hold your hand?" he asked.
A moment of tribulation was fighting again in me. It was a strong temptation but my brain gained a stronger logic. I won't allow anybody to destroy my wall I built for myself.
"This climb is not about me. It is for you. I want you to introspect yourself and understand yourself more. I am here to help you to do that," I reasoned.
He fell silent as we went on the trail.
It pained me to not holding him but I was triumphant since I have healed my past and went on with my present.
Truly in life we taste the sweetest of life's sweet and the bitterest of life's bitter. Healing comes in different ways, as you heal let no tombstones etched in the meadows of consciousness.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, I always believe the healing process of time and nature. Thanks for that wonderful insight.
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