A Flower on the Wall

One night, I woke up from my sleep whilst crying. I could only see your face, and the last word you told me, "Goodbye, Gel." Suddenly, that last word bugged me down until dawn. I was contemplating then, I thought of that first moment you were looking for me in a certain event. 

That Night in Marco Polo Circa 2016

"Good thing that you are now around," a blogger friend told me the moment I arrived in the function room. I was a bit late for a media conference which actually startled me when someone was looking for me. A new blogger like me was a decoration - a wallflower. So, I did not expect a man as prominent as you are would bother. 

"Sat at the last portion because I arrived late, and you were looking for me?"

"Who?" with my usual questioning expression. He mentioned your name, and I should admit that I was flattered. But I brushed the thought aside until the end of the event when we finally had the chance to greet each other. That was short for a meeting until we bid each other goodbye. 

The Marathon

There were series of events when we had the chance to meet each other. I was the typical quiet one who only talk to people who are familiar to me. But then, you initiated the conversation when we attended that dinner event a night before the marathon. 

"We arrived just on time"

You mentioned about your law school while I talked about going to a law school someday. I was amused how intellectually engaging and calm you were. Until the end of the event, you asked me how I would be going home. Then I heard something unexpected - you offered to take me for a ride home. 

I was nervous the instance you offered. Honestly, I was, in that moment, suspended in a thin air while asking my self why would a man like you would start this kind of conversation with me knowing that we barely knew each other. 

The First Long Ride

When we were in Camotes Island this year, I remembered how we talked about our long night ride experiences while doing the night tour in the island. You narrated about your adventures in Cebu and even your misadventures. I told you about my night escapades in Malaysia together with the Chinese brats.  

"Remembered that we screamed together in awe here..."

Well, do you know what I think was the first night ride we had?

It was that time when we agreed to tail the Women's Ultramarathon way back in 2016. You fetch me at my friend's workplace then we headed to the starting line. Luckily, we were just on time for a photo op then quickly followed the runners while taking photos along the way. 

I was so quiet but amused and happy. I didn't expect a "fangirl" like me managed to be with you. Plus, you asked me to take photos using your camera while following your instructions. It was totally an honor. 

But do you also know that a long ride broke my heart?

It was 2017 when I hitched for a ride with our colleague. Then, he opened up about you. He told me how you were dating with another colleague. How the girl waited for you for your relationship to be official. I listened to him but deep inside I was heartbroken. Maybe I was expecting something from you but I turned out disappointed. 

At that moment, I decided to keep the hurt inside and to remain "just" as your avid fan - just to look up at you. I bet you didn't even notice me when the group hanged out together with that girl you love. I was there listening to your voice singing...I was there listening to both of you singing...

I could only smile and support you but I remained a wallflower - left unnoticed. 

The Knock on the Door

"Gel, you've got a visitor..." my mom informed me as she opened the door. I was doing the dishes when you arrived at home at 7 in the evening. Although I was expecting you since you need to get something work-related, I did not expect I would feel "twitter patted" when I looked at you straight in the eyes.

We talked outside. I mean, you talked about your new job. You talked about your experience at your workplace. I was there to listen. I was there to eagerly and actively listen. At the back of my mind, I was so amused. I saw a man...I saw a boy...I saw the real you amidst your blogging fame. I saw you as an ordinary person chatting about his mundane work experience. 

"You promised!" I reminded you what we just talked in Camotes. 

"What do you want to eat?" you asked.

Well, we had a short ride towards a Korean Cafe while we ordered some Bingsu. You asked me if we could stay outside the cafe when you saw me getting hooked at the indoor swing. 

"I need to show you this...I am sure you will love it!" you spoke excitedly. 

I didn't know if you noticed but I was also excited and surprised. You placed your laptop on the table and opened some clips. Then, "I know you will love this!" I heard you once again. 

I was all "wow's" and "nice" when you showed to me a never-before-seen-to-the-public videos which will be banner advertisements of a government department. I saw how proud you were with those accomplishments. Totally, I was so happy looking at your expression. 

"Gel, these are for your eyes only. I showed them to you because I know you will love them..." you told me once again before we were heading back to my place.

"I am fine if you could drop me at the gate, and I could walk back home," I opened up to you while thinking that the night was getting late and you had to travel back to Cebu. 

"I would drop you home," you insisted and with those words, I never said a thing. Instead, I held you tighter while getting closer to you. Then, I thought of that magical moment again...our long rides we had had.

But more than that, I thought of your efforts. I thought of you traveling to Lapu-Lapu from Cebu and all those traffic inconveniences. I thought of you braving to face my family especially my mom. I thought of how you shared your work experiences to me - your frustrations, your knowledge, and everything. I thought of you spending that precious time with me. 

But I thought of that long night ride that broke my heart...

How close you are to me but yet too far...

P.S.: There were moments when I asked myself if you could even notice me aside from being blogger friends. Did I ever become more than just a wallflower before?